Why I'm Going With What I've Got

It has been forever since I have written here. Life has happened in a big way. I have a three-year-old and three of her grandparents have died in less than a year - two of them just this spring. In their honor, I am getting on with life and enjoying the lessons (some, anyway) along the way. The first? It has to do with vanity. Read on...

Why I'm Going With What I've Got

Here’s my rule: If I can rub it in, spray it on or in some way apply topically, it’s fair game. I’m vain. I prefer to always look at least 10 years younger than I am or at the very least, great for my age. And I will always be the first (well, maybe third – I’m really never first at anything) in line for any over-the-counter product that will keep me from looking older than my age! And o.k., I will consider a surgical lift when my top eyelids finally droop over my eyeballs and place me in perpetual darkness. I consider that a medical need.

The gym doesn’t intimidate me either! I can squat and thrust with the best of them. I can pump it up, do reps, “just do it” and hope to continue until the skin on the outside has to be tied up in a knot to contain the sagging muscle on the inside.

I lost my mother recently to a six-year battle with cancer. The last time I saw her, her hair was gray and bristly and somewhat similar to the pictures I have seen of Albert Einstein. Head radiation caused that. That day she couldn’t speak because she was so weak, and as far as we knew she wasn’t really aware of the day or the hour. But when my sister and I stood by her bed to tell her we were leaving to go back home, she got that twinkle in her eye that only my mother could have, and she almost imperceptibly puckered her lips. “She wants to kiss us goodbye,” I told my sister. Then she grinned as my sister bent down to put her cheek next to my mother’s mouth. She gave her a gentle kiss, then I bent down and got mine. It was the softest, sweetest kiss I’ll ever know.

My poor mother would have been horrified to see into her future and know what she would look like in her last years. We always had an agreement between my mom, my sisters and me that if one of us was ever lying incapacitated, we would make sure that we didn’t have any chin whiskers. (My sister tweezed my mother’s that last week and we laughed and cried about it.) Yet as worn out as her body was, and as wild as her hair was, the hospice nurse remarked at how beautiful her skin looked.

As vain as she was (and she really was) my mother never had plastic surgery except to remove a skin cancer from her nose in the ‘70’s. She did color her hair until age 70 and occasionally had sculptured nails. But at her funeral friends and family came from all over the country to pay their last respects and to say kind words about what her life had meant to them. Six of her closest friends took it upon themselves to wear matching aprons and serve lunch to our family before the service. It was at this precise moment that I understood what friendship was worth, and how unimportant packaging is at the end.

Like my mother, I am vain. I don’t want to become a house frau. But in her honor, I am choosing to age gracefully with just the right amount of vanity to get a compliment now and then, even if it is only that my skin looks really good compared to my hair.

The Power of Intention

Over the last few weeks, I have been working through an e-course on the power of intention. Enlightening, I must say. It discusses how everything we do is a result of our intentions, both positive and negative. Positive intentions say "I will achieve so-and-so within the next year (week, month, etc.)". Negative intentions are the "Yeah, but's" that nearly always creep in.

One sentence in the audio portion of the lesson really struck me. The instructor stated that if we don't do something we want or wish to do and there is no physical barrier keeping us from doing it, then it is only our negative intentions that stand in the way! So conversely, if we can turn that negative intention into a positive, then we will do what we intend! Pretty neat stuff, isn't it?

Here is an illustration. Let's say that you are an entrepreneur and that your intention is to establish ten new client contacts within the next month. You plan to do that by networking at some public events related to your business, as well as in some of your social circles. The intention is, "I will establish ten new client contacts within the next month by networking with potential clients at business events and social functions."

Some possible negative attentions which accompany that are, "People will think I am arrogant, trying to sell myself," "My product isn't that great. Everyone will figure that out and see right through me!" Ooh, unpleasant!

What do you do with that? Turn it around. Ask yourself some questions. "Am I arrogant?" "Is my product really bad, or is it useful and value-driven?" If you can honestly answer these in a positive way, then turn the negative intention around. "People will be grateful to learn about my product and will be happy dealing with me because I operate with integrity at all times." "Anyone who engages in my service and/or uses my product will be better off than they were before and will be glad I told them about it."

See the process? It isn't touchy-feely positive affirmation stuff, it's a real, down-to-earth process of re-thinking and re-framing what is in your head. Once you master this process, it will come to you quite easily. The thing that drives your success is your own intent!

For more details about this information see the Action Plan Marketing program (http://www.actionplan.com) and "The Work of Byron Katie" (http://www.thework.com).

I Want My Knobs Back!

O.K., the title is a bit misleading. If you were hoping for porn, you came to the wrong place. The knobs I'm talking about are the ones on my oven!

Having moved into a new (actually not new, its nine years old) house this past summer, I'm getting acquainted with all of its quirks, and in particular, the electronic ones. I just spent the better part of 20 minutes figuring out how to program the electronic thermostat since the temperature has dropped about 30 degrees today and because my husband got up in the middle of the night and opened a window (temperature in the 30's, mind you) because the preprogrammed thermostat must have been set at about 100, which resulted in my freezing nearly to death and stewing because we were paying to heat the city, as my dad used to say.

Now, I'm pretty mechanical most of the time. I was always the one who could coax an office machine to cooperate in even the most desperate circumstances, the "go-to" gal when the postage machine ate that critical document that took three days to prepare. And I'm not even completely unfamiliar with car maintenance, having been single for so many years.

But please, oh please, bring me back a thermostat that you can simply look at and point the dial to 70! None of this "Wake, Sleep, Leave, Return, what-temperature-do-you-want-on-your-birthday-in-2006" for me!

And while we're at it, I'll give my right arm for anyone who can find me a double oven with knobs that turn to bake, clean and broil! I left one in my old house (always worked great!) for a newer, digital version. I wish I could tell you I'm a vegetarian, but it wouldn't be true. I am a meat-eating carnivore, having grown up in beef country with a deep freeze in the garage to hold it all. I like a succulent, broiled T-bone now and then. But my new oven, while you can select the "broil" touch key, seems to want to only bake it to death at 500 degrees which results in a tough, dry piece of shoe leather that won't taste good no matter how much sauce you slather on it. Taking matters into my own hands, I began shopping. I did see an old-fashioned knob oven at the home improvement store the other day, and for a mere $1800 I could take it home. I stood there in the store and actually said out loud while standing there completely alone, "Oh, come on! You must be kidding!" I guess that now an oven with turn knobs is considered "retro" and therefore must command a price tag to go along with it.

So what do I do? I guess my choices are to scope out "retro" devices on E-bay or shop garage and estate sales. Nothing like reclaiming someone else's old used oven. Eeeooooeww... But I will hang on for dear life to my "retro" non-programmable washer and dryer and my cooktop with four knobs that actually turn to low and high with no presetting involved. Oh, and my 1984 Amana Radarange that is still going strong. Can any microwave really be retro? Ah, the simple life.

Woo Hoo, It's Mom's Day Out!

Remember on the old "Bewitched" shows when Samantha would wiggle her nose and go into high speed to clean her house? If there were a hidden camera in my house today, that is what you would see! Today is Mother's Day Out, which means I have exactly 4 1/2 hours to do the 95 million things I want to do by myself! It's such a big deal that I woke up at 4:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep, thinking of all the things I could do today. Forcing myself back to sleep for a couple more hours, i woke up to "Mahhhhmmmaaaa!" coming from upstairs. I hit the floor running, dashing to the kitchen to start the coffee pot then flying up the stairs to greet my grinning toddler who was sitting up in her crib with her arms outstretched, ready to face the day.

After feeding her her "kikiss" (toddler-speak for biscuit) and planting her in front of Clifford, the Big Red Dog, I ran to take my shower and get dressed. Which reminded me, I need to return the tile samples we bought for the bathroom. Maybe I could run those by after dropping her off at preschool...but that is sort of out of the way when I wanted to drive out to my friend/designer's office where she has fabrics for me to look at for the sofa we have picked out. That is 20 miles the other direction. Hmmm... And I'm supposed to have lunch with another friend back near home before picking up my daughter at 2pm. And I also want to update my blog, jot down some notes for a talk I want to prepare, tweek some things on my web site and select which pictures of our precious one to include in Christmas cards this year. And by the way, I could throw some loads of laundry in while doing all of these other things...

Yep, that's the mind of a Mom getting dressed and planning her day during Mother's Day Out! The good news is, my friend/designer wasn't in her office this morning so that task was postponed. And the tile isn't an emergency, so that will wait. I obviously chose to make an entry in my blog, so there you have it! But lest you think I am relaxing, there is a load of laundry in the washer, sheets in the dryer, the printer is printing the photos of my daughter while I work on this and I stopped to mop the kitchen floor while heating my own breakfast which I forgot to eat earlier!

Ah, the holidays. I am right in there with all of you trying to pack too much into my days. I have a mind that constantly forks and it requires quite a bit of managing. All the things that I try to help clients manage, I also have to manage myself!

My biggest "thing" in life is to always keep things as uncomplicated as possible. During the holidays, my house will not be the most fabulously decorated one on the street. I will not host any elaborate parties, preferring to have lunch or coffee with one or two friends at a time. We will not go bananas fighting crowds to buy our 22-month-old Christmas presents she won't use or appreciate (at least, her MOM won't!) and there won't be any garland on our SUV. Instead, we will have some nice decorations that we enjoy, a pretty Christmas tree, and an exchange of simple presents that we really want and will truly enjoy and use. We will spend time with family and friends and take lots of pictures.

Will I still have crazy days like today? You bet. We go to Mother's Day Out two days a week! And what's my point, you ask? My point is this: if you have days like mine today, sometimes you just have to go with it. But know your limits and forgive yourself if the entire mental "to-do" list doesn't get checked off. Really, three weeks from now will you even remember that you didn't get all of the Christmas cards in the mail today, or that you only ran three errands instead of five? I know I won't! So now I think I'll go have another cup of coffee and look through a magazine for a minute. Oh yeah, I was going to sort and toss old magazines today, too...