I Want My Knobs Back!

O.K., the title is a bit misleading. If you were hoping for porn, you came to the wrong place. The knobs I'm talking about are the ones on my oven!

Having moved into a new (actually not new, its nine years old) house this past summer, I'm getting acquainted with all of its quirks, and in particular, the electronic ones. I just spent the better part of 20 minutes figuring out how to program the electronic thermostat since the temperature has dropped about 30 degrees today and because my husband got up in the middle of the night and opened a window (temperature in the 30's, mind you) because the preprogrammed thermostat must have been set at about 100, which resulted in my freezing nearly to death and stewing because we were paying to heat the city, as my dad used to say.

Now, I'm pretty mechanical most of the time. I was always the one who could coax an office machine to cooperate in even the most desperate circumstances, the "go-to" gal when the postage machine ate that critical document that took three days to prepare. And I'm not even completely unfamiliar with car maintenance, having been single for so many years.

But please, oh please, bring me back a thermostat that you can simply look at and point the dial to 70! None of this "Wake, Sleep, Leave, Return, what-temperature-do-you-want-on-your-birthday-in-2006" for me!

And while we're at it, I'll give my right arm for anyone who can find me a double oven with knobs that turn to bake, clean and broil! I left one in my old house (always worked great!) for a newer, digital version. I wish I could tell you I'm a vegetarian, but it wouldn't be true. I am a meat-eating carnivore, having grown up in beef country with a deep freeze in the garage to hold it all. I like a succulent, broiled T-bone now and then. But my new oven, while you can select the "broil" touch key, seems to want to only bake it to death at 500 degrees which results in a tough, dry piece of shoe leather that won't taste good no matter how much sauce you slather on it. Taking matters into my own hands, I began shopping. I did see an old-fashioned knob oven at the home improvement store the other day, and for a mere $1800 I could take it home. I stood there in the store and actually said out loud while standing there completely alone, "Oh, come on! You must be kidding!" I guess that now an oven with turn knobs is considered "retro" and therefore must command a price tag to go along with it.

So what do I do? I guess my choices are to scope out "retro" devices on E-bay or shop garage and estate sales. Nothing like reclaiming someone else's old used oven. Eeeooooeww... But I will hang on for dear life to my "retro" non-programmable washer and dryer and my cooktop with four knobs that actually turn to low and high with no presetting involved. Oh, and my 1984 Amana Radarange that is still going strong. Can any microwave really be retro? Ah, the simple life.