I Want My Knobs Back!

O.K., the title is a bit misleading. If you were hoping for porn, you came to the wrong place. The knobs I'm talking about are the ones on my oven!

Having moved into a new (actually not new, its nine years old) house this past summer, I'm getting acquainted with all of its quirks, and in particular, the electronic ones. I just spent the better part of 20 minutes figuring out how to program the electronic thermostat since the temperature has dropped about 30 degrees today and because my husband got up in the middle of the night and opened a window (temperature in the 30's, mind you) because the preprogrammed thermostat must have been set at about 100, which resulted in my freezing nearly to death and stewing because we were paying to heat the city, as my dad used to say.

Now, I'm pretty mechanical most of the time. I was always the one who could coax an office machine to cooperate in even the most desperate circumstances, the "go-to" gal when the postage machine ate that critical document that took three days to prepare. And I'm not even completely unfamiliar with car maintenance, having been single for so many years.

But please, oh please, bring me back a thermostat that you can simply look at and point the dial to 70! None of this "Wake, Sleep, Leave, Return, what-temperature-do-you-want-on-your-birthday-in-2006" for me!

And while we're at it, I'll give my right arm for anyone who can find me a double oven with knobs that turn to bake, clean and broil! I left one in my old house (always worked great!) for a newer, digital version. I wish I could tell you I'm a vegetarian, but it wouldn't be true. I am a meat-eating carnivore, having grown up in beef country with a deep freeze in the garage to hold it all. I like a succulent, broiled T-bone now and then. But my new oven, while you can select the "broil" touch key, seems to want to only bake it to death at 500 degrees which results in a tough, dry piece of shoe leather that won't taste good no matter how much sauce you slather on it. Taking matters into my own hands, I began shopping. I did see an old-fashioned knob oven at the home improvement store the other day, and for a mere $1800 I could take it home. I stood there in the store and actually said out loud while standing there completely alone, "Oh, come on! You must be kidding!" I guess that now an oven with turn knobs is considered "retro" and therefore must command a price tag to go along with it.

So what do I do? I guess my choices are to scope out "retro" devices on E-bay or shop garage and estate sales. Nothing like reclaiming someone else's old used oven. Eeeooooeww... But I will hang on for dear life to my "retro" non-programmable washer and dryer and my cooktop with four knobs that actually turn to low and high with no presetting involved. Oh, and my 1984 Amana Radarange that is still going strong. Can any microwave really be retro? Ah, the simple life.

Woo Hoo, It's Mom's Day Out!

Remember on the old "Bewitched" shows when Samantha would wiggle her nose and go into high speed to clean her house? If there were a hidden camera in my house today, that is what you would see! Today is Mother's Day Out, which means I have exactly 4 1/2 hours to do the 95 million things I want to do by myself! It's such a big deal that I woke up at 4:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep, thinking of all the things I could do today. Forcing myself back to sleep for a couple more hours, i woke up to "Mahhhhmmmaaaa!" coming from upstairs. I hit the floor running, dashing to the kitchen to start the coffee pot then flying up the stairs to greet my grinning toddler who was sitting up in her crib with her arms outstretched, ready to face the day.

After feeding her her "kikiss" (toddler-speak for biscuit) and planting her in front of Clifford, the Big Red Dog, I ran to take my shower and get dressed. Which reminded me, I need to return the tile samples we bought for the bathroom. Maybe I could run those by after dropping her off at preschool...but that is sort of out of the way when I wanted to drive out to my friend/designer's office where she has fabrics for me to look at for the sofa we have picked out. That is 20 miles the other direction. Hmmm... And I'm supposed to have lunch with another friend back near home before picking up my daughter at 2pm. And I also want to update my blog, jot down some notes for a talk I want to prepare, tweek some things on my web site and select which pictures of our precious one to include in Christmas cards this year. And by the way, I could throw some loads of laundry in while doing all of these other things...

Yep, that's the mind of a Mom getting dressed and planning her day during Mother's Day Out! The good news is, my friend/designer wasn't in her office this morning so that task was postponed. And the tile isn't an emergency, so that will wait. I obviously chose to make an entry in my blog, so there you have it! But lest you think I am relaxing, there is a load of laundry in the washer, sheets in the dryer, the printer is printing the photos of my daughter while I work on this and I stopped to mop the kitchen floor while heating my own breakfast which I forgot to eat earlier!

Ah, the holidays. I am right in there with all of you trying to pack too much into my days. I have a mind that constantly forks and it requires quite a bit of managing. All the things that I try to help clients manage, I also have to manage myself!

My biggest "thing" in life is to always keep things as uncomplicated as possible. During the holidays, my house will not be the most fabulously decorated one on the street. I will not host any elaborate parties, preferring to have lunch or coffee with one or two friends at a time. We will not go bananas fighting crowds to buy our 22-month-old Christmas presents she won't use or appreciate (at least, her MOM won't!) and there won't be any garland on our SUV. Instead, we will have some nice decorations that we enjoy, a pretty Christmas tree, and an exchange of simple presents that we really want and will truly enjoy and use. We will spend time with family and friends and take lots of pictures.

Will I still have crazy days like today? You bet. We go to Mother's Day Out two days a week! And what's my point, you ask? My point is this: if you have days like mine today, sometimes you just have to go with it. But know your limits and forgive yourself if the entire mental "to-do" list doesn't get checked off. Really, three weeks from now will you even remember that you didn't get all of the Christmas cards in the mail today, or that you only ran three errands instead of five? I know I won't! So now I think I'll go have another cup of coffee and look through a magazine for a minute. Oh yeah, I was going to sort and toss old magazines today, too...

Sometimes all you can do is wait!

I've been thinking a lot lately about those times when you really can't do anything about a particular situation. In the last few months, my 20-month-old daughter has had a couple of bad bouts of wheezing (we don't want to use that nasty "a" word!) and even though I can give her medicated breathing treatments, there is a period of time during which the wheezing does not subside. What do we do? Make her as comfortable as possible and wait.

There are more extreme times, like going through a divorce when it wasn't what you wanted, or suffering a debilitating illness that cannot be cured quickly or that may not be curable at all.

There are the day-to-day issues, like trying to lose weight sensibly, waiting for the call saying "You're hired," wanting to be in a relationship when you're not, and any of the many life questions you are still waiting to have answered.

What do you do? You wait. And how do you wait? You can wait actively, trying harder and harder to control an outcome when you know that realistically you can't. You can wait passively -- just become a lump and bury your face in a pillow and hope things get better. (Actually I don't think that's all bad for a finite period of time, if it helps you get to acceptance.)

The healthiest way to to deal with disappointment over that which you have no control is to surrender and accept that what is, is. Only then can you begin to take steps to make the situation tolerable. When my dad was diagosed with terminal cancer, I watched him initially go through the stages of anger and sadness, but never denial. He knew the prognosis and he knew his options. He opted for chemotherapy even though in his case it didn't offer much hope because he felt that it would make the progression of the disease more tolerable. And in the 22 months that he survived before it took his life, he talked with each of us about his wishes, made all of the final arrangements and provisions that he thought necessary, and said the things that he needed to say to people. I felt that he used his waiting time very well.

I'm reminded of a few key bible stories where God made huge promises but required the recipients to wait. Abraham was told that his descendants would inherit the promised land. Abraham made the decision to initiate the exodus, but he never saw the final goal. King David had to first wander the desert for fourteen years (14 years!) before being delivered and receiving his place of honor. (I, on the other hand, get very impatient if I wait 15 minutes for my hair appointment.)

So the next time you find yourself waiting when you really don't think you should have to, think of Abraham. He didn't see the reward, but hundreds and thousands of his descendants did. You may reap great things during this time that you probably wouldn't otherwise. When I wait for my daughter to recover from wheezing, she does, but during the waiting period we get to do lots of extra cuddling. When my dad waited for relief from cancer, it came (death can be such a blessing) and during the process he was able to bond with family in a way that had never come easily for him in the past. I waited 41 years to meet my future husband, all the while wondering why I was the only person on the planet who didn't have someone! It was worth the wait.

"Good things come to those who wait?" Absolutely...

What if You Were a Game Show Question?

I confess. Sometimes I watch "Family Feud" while eating my lunch. It comes on around the time I have just put my toddler down for a nap and I can sit down for a few minutes. It's a dirty little secret, but I'm trusting you not to judge.

Today one of the questions was "Name some characteristics of [famous-Hollywood-sex-symbol-whose-name-I'll-omit]." Some of the answers were "Huge breasts," "Blonde hair," "Married to a rock star (and wife-beater, I thought to myself)," "Posed for Playboy" and a couple of others I don't remember. All I could think about was how it must feel to that person to a), be a game-show question and b), all of the answers are about looks. There was not one word about quality, intelligence, kindness, etc. and most of the contestants laughed as they guessed various answers.

So of course, I had to start thinking about what I would want the answers to be if I were the game show question!

Password: The word is coachgwen. Clue: "Compassionate."
Family Feud: Characteristics of me. "Kind; funny; articulate; creative; loving mom; loving spouse; and on and on..."
Jeopardy: The category is extreme intelligence. "Who is coachgwen, Alex?"
Who Wants to be a MIllionaire: Which of the following women does not belong on this list?
a. Anna Nicole Smith b. Brittney Spears c. Pamela Anderson d. Gwen
Kids Say the Darnedest Things: What does it mean to be a good Mom? Answer: Gwen

O.K., I'm getting carried away with that last one. But my deepest hope would be that if a game show question asked for characteristics about me, the answers would have meaning. It would be o.k. if someone laughed when they guessed, if they were thinking about my sense of humor. Or if they cried thinking about something kind I had done. I would hope that thinking of game show answers to describe me would conjure up warm, thoughtful feelings to anyone to whom the question was posed.

Your turn. What if you were a game show question???

Pink Cadillacs

Desperate to escape the Texas heat, my family took a brief driving trip to Colorado a few weeks ago. On the way, we stopped just outside Amarillo at Cadillac Ranch. (That's me with my daughter.)

In 1974 a group of artists know as "Ant Farm" sought out a local land owner and asked if they could construct this display on his land. He ok'd it and the rest is history. They bought 10 Cadillacs ranging from 1949 to 1963 and buried them nose-down in a perfect, symmetrical row. There is no admission fee, you just pull up alongside the field and walk over to see it. From the highway it looks pretty small and insignificant, but as you approach you realize these are real cars and they are taller than you! Anyone is free to spray paint all over them if they desire. (In August of this year all of the cars were painted pink in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness.)My husband, an artist and avid car buff, was dying to find this "exhibit." We asked some locals where to find it, but it was a man from California who gave us explicit directions. For my husband, this was the jackpot! I thought it was because of the cars, but he said no, that this was one of the most incredible pieces of modern art he had ever seen. He explained to me that the scale and placement took an exceptional eye, and that it expressed something different to everyone who viewed it. It constantly changes yet remains the same and you notice something different from every angle of view. Wow, did I appreciate it so much more after sharing this perspective!

As far as I know, the original intent was purely for fun and not for profit. I'm sure the landowner has profited since because the display has been used in countless advertisements over the years, but that doesn't change the fact that it was originally done purely for self-expression.

Think about this the next time you're frustrated because your career doesn't allow expression of your true passion or you feel like just another cog in the wheel. I believe there are a fortunate few who are driven by one consuming passion and turn it into their life's work (Bill Gates, Oprah) and become gazillionaires. Good for them! I also believe that many of us just like to do a lot of different things. We find work that we like pretty well (or at least don't hate) that earns us a decent living and find a variety of other ways to express ourselves outside of our career. Just think, if all artists stopped painting because they couldn't make a living at it, we wouldn't have many of the great works hanging in museums today!

What particular creation of self-expression would just send you over the top? Is there a Cadillac Ranch spinning around in your head, dying to get out? I encourage you to go for it! Do something just for fun to express yourself with no expectation of getting paid and see what happens. You never know -- thousands of people may be ready and waiting to see it, read it, smell it, touch it, wear it, or hear it. Even if they don't, it will be well worth it if it brings you joy to do it!

Finding Peace When You're Overwhelmed

In the last month we have read endless accounts of the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. I have a sister in Houston and I live in the Dallas area, two cities who have taken in around 50,000 evacuees between them. The requests for cash donations, supplies, and volunteer help are so numerous that it seems impossible that the needs will ever be filled. When it gets so big I begin to feel like I just want to bury my head and ignore all of it. You know, "I can't possibly fix it all, so I won't even try to do anything."These times are when I meditate on my favorite Bible verse: "Be still and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10.I tend to have a very busy and active mind that doesn't always comply when I want it to ramp down a notch! I do mental gymnastics most of the time, including thinking about what I am doing now, what I will do next, and what I should add to the list for tomorrow!That is on a normal day. Throw in an unexpected need and overwhelm begins to rear its ugly head! So what do I do?I get still and remember that God is God. He is infinitely bigger than me and can do infinite things through me, if I will pause and ask him to. How do I pause during a really full day? It isn't always easy. Sometimes it has to be in the car, while I'm driving (and NOT talking on a cell phone!). Or I may just force myself to sit down in a chair for five minutes and do nothing. Just be still. My favorite thing is to take a walk or call a good friend. The main idea is to stop whirling and stand still long enough for the air to settle around you.Know what else works great to settle your mind? Do something nice to encourage someone else. You don't know how big the smallest kindness can be for someone who needs it. When we moved into our home in July, I was feeling sad about leaving behind our wonderful neighbors of 14 years. But within only a few days, the neighbor across the street came over to introduce himself and the lady next door brought us a fresh-baked loaf of strawberry chocolate chip bread. Those gestures meant the world to us that week!So next time you're feeling overwhelmed, take a minute and just be still. If you will, the answers will come to you.

Wrinkle that Forehead Proudly!

I don't mind telling you, I no longer strive to be Superwoman! Or Wonder Woman either, though I like the bracelets. Right now I can name probably 20 women I know who do more than any one human being should do on a daily basis. Among the duties are driving kids in carpool, working full time, cooking meals, grocery shopping, caring for aging parents, home and/or car maintenance (whether or not there is a spouse), accountant, nurse, fashion consultant, the Dear Abbey of her circle, Sunday school teacher, travel planner for the household, and the list goes on and on.Which brings me to my day's topic. Why is it that for some, all of that accomplishment and service is not enough? Now the pressure is ON to inject poison into your forehead and inflate your lips like an innertube. And don't be happy unless your teeth are blue-white and all curvular areas of your body are symmetrical.No offense to the board certified plastic surgeons out there. I am grateful to the ones who carefully removed my previous skin cancers and saved my life. And I'm especially grateful to the ones who are skilled at healing the disfigured and helping to restore their confidence. I do believe there are very good reasons for plastic surgeries and would like to go on record as saying so.That said, it is a peeve of mine to see stars on television whose eyebrows don't lift when they laugh, or who have to cover their mouth when they smile because their lips don't move. (Anyone see Priscilla Presley recently?) And if I never saw another puffy mouth again, my life would be no less rich.The other day as I was putting on my makeup and dabbing it here and there with wrinkle-filler, I came to the conclusion that my looks are not as distinctive as they once were. There seems to be a phase of life from about age 3 to the late 30's when we each look very uniquely "us." Think about it. Newborn babies look very much alike, and continue to look alike until around 6-12 months. Oh yes, you can tell them apart, but they generally all have smooth skin, button noses, little round faces, little to no hair whose color is yet undetermined, they don't walk and they all dress alike. Then there is the other end of life. Elderly people all have gray hair, most wear glasses, the skin is wrinkled, and they dress alike. If God had a reason to bring us into the world as look-alike babies, I trust that he has an equally good reason to take us out (should we live long enough) as beings with the experience of life written on our faces.
I'm not a Jamie Lee Curtis, cut-all-your-hair-off and let-the-gray-hang-out kind of earth mother. On the contrary, my philosophy has been and will continue to be that if you can spray it on or rub it in, it is fair game. (Thank you, Miss Clairol!) But when I think of my precious grandmother whose wrinkled smile and hearty laugh could light up a room, poofing the lips and pulling my face up into a knot seems far less important than bringing light and encouragement to other people. I would rather my epitaph say something like "She was really neat!" than "Her eyebrows never moved!"
So to all of the Wonder Women out there who feel any less important because you may have circles under your eyes from lack of sleep or your lipstick feathers more than it used to, I lift my bracelets in salute! You earned every bit of it and I hope you will wear it proudly! (Unless of course there is something you can easily rub in or spray on...) ;-)

My Life Offline... For Almost a Month!

O.K., it has been exactly five weeks to the day since we moved. Only eight hours in nearly 100 degree heat and we were in the new place. I have to say the guys at Full House Moving were simply the best movers I have ever had, and I have moved homes and offices more times than I care to count. If you're in the North Dallas/suburbs area, I highly recommend them. I would like not to recommend the phone company with which we were forced to sign on because they are the only company that services our area. We were very happy having our telephone and DSL service with Verizon. We found them to be prompt, efficient and responsive. Then it came time to switch. Being ever the administrator, I carefully orchestrated our switch for phone and computer service so that we would have minimal, if any, interruption. We were given a new phone number and it was hooked up the day we moved, as planned. Not so lucky with the DSL connection, but I'll get to that in a minute.It seems we live in a suburban area that is long distance from any surrounding areas including the neighboring suburb we just left. And it was also long distance to call anyone around here. Knowing that I had not had to dial a "1" before calling the previous home owner, I called the phone company to see what was up. It seems I could add extended local calling for an additional $10 per month. Not my favorite answer, but one I could live with. Oh, and in order to add that feature we would have to change the phone number again. Fine. Gritted teeth. And there would be a $38 charge to change that which I flatly refused to pay and was finally assured would not be billed to our account. I know, this is becoming a long story. Well, it took a solid seven days in a row of me calling this company and wading through the automated menu to get to a human being each time. After about five minutes of that, I would finally be greeted with "Hello, this is [name], how may I make you a very satisfied customer today?" (Try listening to that for the seventh day in a row!) My response was usually something like, "You can if you can get my phone number to successfully switch to the new one like it was supposed to a week ago!" At one point I even said to one of the Helpful Happy People, "I heard this company was bad, but I could never have even guessed how bad it could be!"O.K., so we finally got that all straightened out (of course I haven't received the bill yet). In the meantime, we received the modem for our DSL. My husband the IT guy was anxious to get it all set up so got busy right away installing it. One catch. They sent us a dead modem. No power. None. Zilch. We couldn't even use slow old dial-up because, guess what, no modem! So began a whole new series of "How can I make you a very satisfied customer today?" calls which finally ended in my saying "Please cancel the order for DSL!!!" That night we received the new modem on our doorstep and I now keep receiving computerized confirmation calls and letters saying that our DSL is officially up and running. Why am I rambling on about my "poor me" experience? Mostly to vent, I'll admit. But also to say that even the best laid plans go awry sometimes and you have absolutely no control over them. I hear so many people beat themselves up over things that go wrong when things just GO WRONG sometimes. As ludicrous as my story was, there is absolutely nothing I could have done about it. It was a comedy of errors from the beginning and that company just couldn't make it right. (I predict a short future for them, by the way.)On a lighter note, we are very happy in our new home! The phone and computer problems are finally behind us (I hope!) and we are enjoying a new beginning! We have room to breathe, my daughter happily circles the first floor (around and around and around) and life is good. By the way, I just checked out a friend's new blog today: http://antiquemommy.blogspot.com/We are both Moms of toddlers and in our 40's. She is very funny. Check it out for yourself!