Sometimes all you can do is wait!

I've been thinking a lot lately about those times when you really can't do anything about a particular situation. In the last few months, my 20-month-old daughter has had a couple of bad bouts of wheezing (we don't want to use that nasty "a" word!) and even though I can give her medicated breathing treatments, there is a period of time during which the wheezing does not subside. What do we do? Make her as comfortable as possible and wait.

There are more extreme times, like going through a divorce when it wasn't what you wanted, or suffering a debilitating illness that cannot be cured quickly or that may not be curable at all.

There are the day-to-day issues, like trying to lose weight sensibly, waiting for the call saying "You're hired," wanting to be in a relationship when you're not, and any of the many life questions you are still waiting to have answered.

What do you do? You wait. And how do you wait? You can wait actively, trying harder and harder to control an outcome when you know that realistically you can't. You can wait passively -- just become a lump and bury your face in a pillow and hope things get better. (Actually I don't think that's all bad for a finite period of time, if it helps you get to acceptance.)

The healthiest way to to deal with disappointment over that which you have no control is to surrender and accept that what is, is. Only then can you begin to take steps to make the situation tolerable. When my dad was diagosed with terminal cancer, I watched him initially go through the stages of anger and sadness, but never denial. He knew the prognosis and he knew his options. He opted for chemotherapy even though in his case it didn't offer much hope because he felt that it would make the progression of the disease more tolerable. And in the 22 months that he survived before it took his life, he talked with each of us about his wishes, made all of the final arrangements and provisions that he thought necessary, and said the things that he needed to say to people. I felt that he used his waiting time very well.

I'm reminded of a few key bible stories where God made huge promises but required the recipients to wait. Abraham was told that his descendants would inherit the promised land. Abraham made the decision to initiate the exodus, but he never saw the final goal. King David had to first wander the desert for fourteen years (14 years!) before being delivered and receiving his place of honor. (I, on the other hand, get very impatient if I wait 15 minutes for my hair appointment.)

So the next time you find yourself waiting when you really don't think you should have to, think of Abraham. He didn't see the reward, but hundreds and thousands of his descendants did. You may reap great things during this time that you probably wouldn't otherwise. When I wait for my daughter to recover from wheezing, she does, but during the waiting period we get to do lots of extra cuddling. When my dad waited for relief from cancer, it came (death can be such a blessing) and during the process he was able to bond with family in a way that had never come easily for him in the past. I waited 41 years to meet my future husband, all the while wondering why I was the only person on the planet who didn't have someone! It was worth the wait.

"Good things come to those who wait?" Absolutely...